Question of Identity

Who am I?

When my marriage ended after 12 years in 2012 and after going through a huge weight loss transformation it was the question that was echoing through my mind frequently.

What did I like? What did I want? What activities did I enjoy? I  like so many others who had lost a partner through any means had identified with being a mom and a wife as well as being overweight for so long but had forgotten what it was like to truly be…me.

Recalling the thoughts and emotions I experienced over the end of my marriage takes little to no effort. In an attempt to seek clarity on what I was going to do next I would walk seemingly endless loops of Beaver and Elk Lake. The feeling in the pit of my stomach when I thought about being on my own was like standing on the edge of a cliff and pondering jumping into dark and icy waters. My future was unknown and that frightened me.

When the impact of the end came it was a roller coaster ride for sure. Everything from feeling like I could charge ahead full steam to wanting nothing more than to bury myself under my blankets, curl up with a stuffy and wait for it all to pass.

It took me a while but eventually I realized that I just needed to take a deep breath, collect myself and start focusing on the things in life that mattered, the things I could change and how to make something positive out of something that seemed irreversibly fractured.

Two and half years later I am proud to say that I feel like I am coming out the other side of things. I am holding down a household, making adult decisions, paying my bills, putting food on the table, balancing work and single parenting and continuously learning more about myself and my capabilities.

Who am I?

I am a mother BUT I am also a woman who likes to get dirty doing bear crawls through mud. I am a strong female who likes to lift heavy and earn her sweat. I AM that person who can Google ‘fix it yourself’ videos and repair things. Music festivals and concerts are something I enjoy doing with other people but they’re also something I’m finding out lately that I like going to on my own too. I like watching shows about travelling and the outdoors but I LOVE actually travelling and being outdoors. I am that independent spirit who can take herself away to a resort for the weekend and enjoy being on her own, dining at a candle light and rose adorned table for one.

I love to eat healthy. I enjoy listening to my music really loud. I can’t think of anything better than taking the time to dance in the rain, to check out the stars or to sit on the beach and listen to the waves.

I seriously don’t know what lays ahead for me in life or in love but I feel like I’m figuring it out one step at a time. With every adventure the question of who I am becomes easier to answer and I am no longer frightened by it.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing I hope that you can hold on to your identity or that you have the ability to find yourself again and that the question of who YOU are is answered every day.

Love D.

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Credit Photo: Armando Tura

 

 

 

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